Quest for Non-Tangy Ranch Dressing

I had quite a time several years ago looking for the recipe for Monterey House brown sugar candy (the little brown sugar candy in a tiny wax paper bag at the bottom of the chip basket) that I eventually decided might be Penuche Fudge. Everyone and their brother said something like, "OOOH. I love that stuff. Here's the recipe," followed by a recipe for standard, everyday pralines, which they happened to sell at the front register. I still haven't made the recipe I found, because I can't bear the thought that my months of searching were for naught.

Also, I may get diabetes just looking at it. Mmm. So good.

(UPDATE 11DEC2020: Soon, you may be able to buy the original Monterey House candy here!)

Well, now I've been searching for a recipe for what a lot of us call "restaurant Ranch dressing." I've come to find, however, that much like the infamous Pralines de Casa de Monterey, most people seem to want something completely different than I'm looking for. They mostly want a thinner Ranch dressing than the bottled stuff. I want a less tangy version. I like the creamy, yes thinner, but most importantly NON-TANGY taste at most restaurants.

The answer is almost always "make Hidden Valley Ranch dressing from the packet at home, rather than buying the bottle!" Uh... no. It has the same tangy flavor as the bottle. Tastes better than the bottle, of course, but it ain't what the restaurants are serving. My favorite recommendation is "make Hidden Valley Ranch at home and be sure to use buttermilk." Buttermilk=tangy.

One of my favorite ranch dressings is Double Dave's ranch. I asked them for the recipe years ago and they claimed at the time that it was just Hidden Valley made at the store. Now they package it under their own label, so I don't think that is the case anymore, if it ever was. Unfortunately, their packages are about an eighth of a cup, so it's a no-go to buy a buttload of those.

Another suggestion online is that most restaurants use Sysco Ranch Dressing, so we should purchase Sysco Ranch Dressing at a restaurant supply store. I've heard of restaurant supply stores, but I have no idea where one is. And do they just let any regular person peruse their wares, or is this like the designer showrooms where you have to have a license of some sort to buy? Maybe you could just don a chef's hat? Either way, I don't want to purchase six gallons of Sysco Ranch, to find out that it is the same old tangy crap as every other bottled ranch at the grocery store. Also, six gallons of ranch dressing would outlast a lifetime.

Look up "non-tangy ranch dressing" and you get all sorts of recipes with honey and sweeteners added to counter the tangy taste. Oy vey. A thousand times no.

I may just try to make a straight up homemade version, where I avoid adding anything tangy.


Sunday Stealing: The Questions of Age

1. By a certain age, women should 

stop wearing their hair parted in the middle.

2. By a certain age, men should 

let their hair go gray. 

Not sure why it's all hair tips today, but you're welcome.

3. When I was young I thought by now I would 

I don't know that I thought this far ahead when I was young. I probably would have assumed that by now I would be where I am. I feel like I'm exactly where I ought to be.

4. Now that I am older I wish

my family lived nearby.

5. You know that you are too old to do an activity when 

everyone who is doing it is at least a decade younger than you.

6. You know you are too young to do an activity when

everyone who is doing it is at least a decade older than you.

7. When I was in high school I listened to the music of 

Prince, Duran Duran, Madonna, Wham, The Go-Go's

8. When I was in college (or the next four years after high school) I listened to the music of 

INXS, George Michael, Depeche Mode, Huey Lewis and the News, The Bangles

9. These days, at my age I find myself listening music of

Maroon 5, Train, Bruno Mars, Adele, Sia, Ed Sheeran, Lady Gaga

10. For my last birthday I 

don't remember what I did. And not because we partied too hard.

11. On my next birthday I want to 

take a trip with my gal pals. Oh, we ARE doing it! For ALL our birthdays!

12. The best birthday present I ever got was 

ack I don't know.

13. The first time I felt that I was an adult was when 

I drove by myself for the first time, after I got my license.

14. The last time I felt like I was still a kid was when 

my colleagues and I opened Christmas crackers at the investigators' meeting "afterparty" in London. We were all tired and giddy from finishing up the long meeting that afternoon, and we were throwing those paper tape things around at each other and blowing little whistles and stuff. Very fun.

15. I would sum up 2016 by saying

it could have been worse.

16. I hope I will sum up 2017 by saying in December

what a relief it was when Donald Trump resigned. Whew!

17. So far in terms of age, I feel my first big milestone was

graduating high school.

18. As I look forward to the rest of my life’s journey, I feel my biggest milestone of my life will be

seeing Lauren living the life she wants to live, doing what she wants to do.

19. By the time I was the age I am now I am surprised that I haven’t yet

thrown my back out. KNOCK ON WOOD.

20. By the time I am 65, I hope that I have

enough money to retire and do whatever we want to do.