I found this through The Bloggess, and subsequent stalking perusal of her friend Susan's various websites. It speaks particularly to writers, from the experience of someone who has bravely faced her own mortality on more than one occasion.
All that survives after our death are publications and people. So look carefully after the words you write, the thoughts and publications you create, and how you love others. For these are the only things that will remain.
Coincidentally, I was just talking about this with my dad. His cancer returned a couple of months ago. He has been doing chemotherapy is facing major surgery in the next few weeks. He's never been sick a day in his life. (He says that he's "more pissed than depressed." That is very him.) Through his current torrent of procedures and information and decisions to make, we've had some really great conversations.
The other day, I shared with him that one of the very few positive things about my own cancer treatments back in the day was a newfound deep joy in simple things like nature and much of the "background stuff" that healthy people don't notice as much. I truly observed every aspect of my life in a new way- with more amazement and appreciation. I hugged my friends more. (Heh. I have a hugging story... momentarily...)
Once I was healthy again myself, it took only a few years to come back to the old "taking a sunrise for granted" sort of thinking. Oh, I still recognize and take more joy in life's little moments than I did prior to getting sick. I can still close my eyes and revel in the sound of the wind in the trees, where most people never take the time. The feeling just isn't nearly as pronounced as when I was fighting to survive.
An interesting moment back then was the first time I was able to go back to A&M from Houston. I was living at home at the time, having treatments at MD Anderson. I went up to College Station just for a couple of days to see friends, pick up some assignments and do a lab. The evening I got there, I was hanging out with a couple of girlfriends at the mall, and I saw... can't remember her name, but she was the Head Honcho of Finances (can't remember her title either, it seems) for the school of engineering. I had been working in the Dean's office for a while and did things for her every so often. She knew me, but we weren't close or anything. I cannot explain how thrilled I was to see her. Just laying my eyes on another person from my "normal life" that I was missing so terribly just inspired me to run across the mall to give her a huge squeeze and hello.
She was very sweet and gave me a wide-eyed "Wow!" and a smile when we separated. "How are you feeling, Kathy?" I was feeling... pretty embarrassed! I told her I was alright and just so happy to see everyone. She was gracious and wonderful, but I'm sure she thought I was nuts.
Anyhoo... Dad told me he felt exactly the same, with the magnified cognizance of amazing things all around us that we usually pass by day after day without a glance. He talked about things like unknown unknowns and having answers for questions you never knew you had. That's when Ursula jumped in and said about the two of us, "Give them a little chemo and they turn into philosophers."
Haha! So true.
I told Dad there is surely a book somewhere in all that deep thought. He didn't say no, so maybe we'll do a little collaborative work. ;)
Read more...
Posts
