Hookers and Call Girls and Brothels, Oh My

A random show was on SyFy while we were cleaning up after dinner. I was squinting across the bar to see the dark scene, where a woman was doing a lot of screaming and writhing...

Me: Good gawd. Is she having sex or being murdered?!
Jeff: Neither. I think she's having a baby.

Ah. Memories.

Well, on our way home from Gruene yesterday, J and I got into a discussion about what we think hookers and call girls charge for services. (Yeah, just another Saturday car-trip conversation with me.)

I was telling him about some reality police show I saw, where a guy asked a street hooker how much she charged for oral sex, and she said, "$15." I was horrified that anyone charging for it would do it for less than $50.

Jeff was completely shocked. "Fifty dollars?! It sounds like you think that should be the most expensive service."

Most expensive? That would be the second cheapest service. (I'll let you all figure out the cheapest, which I think should be about $25.) I would guess that the absolute minimum for what I will henceforth reference as "regular sex" would be around $100, and anything beyond that would be even more. Please. It's a guy you don't know. Plus, any dude rolling up on you on the street to ask for sex is not exactly the cream of the crop of the male population. Last week, when (not even on a car trip) Cathy and I were talking about re-opening an historic Galveston brothel near the Strand, we discussed the kinds of guys who show up at the Bunny Ranch on HBO's Cathouse series. There's just going to be a cost for that.

Jeff thinks it is more along the lines of $20 and $50 for the two services, respectively. Geez, where is he shopping?? He was extrapolating from what some guy said on Howard Stern (Everything I Know About Hookers I Learned from Howard Stern).  The guy evidently got a "high-priced hooker"...

I interrupted to ask if she was then technically a "call girl." He didn't know. (Can we get a prostitution expert up in here?!)

The girl charged $500 for one oral plus two regular services. The radio show guys thought that was expensive. So a high-priced hooker, who may or may not be a call girl, is charging double my $50 and $100 figures.

Of course, a call girl is a totally different service professional than a street hooker. Not only are call girls beautiful, they're also well-mannered enough to accompany you to social gatherings. Rather than buying à la carte services, I think you actually pay for a period of time with them. I bet they start about $1000 for a few hours without any advanced services included. But if they did charge by the service, I figured $500 minimum for oral and $1000 minimum for regular.

Jeff doesn't think any services were worth that.

If we were talking male escorts, I'm with him on the $500, but $1000 for sex with a super-hot guy... if you were single... and had the money... and it had been a dry spell... and you got to hand-pick the guy... and you weren't afraid of life-threatening STDs... or doing jail time... I say it could be worth it. You should require a money-back guarantee though. And the $1000 should totally include the tip.