Tips for Losing Those Holiday Pounds

I was reading a magazine article at the surgeon's office about post-holiday dieting, and it had the most useless information ever. Two of their tips were literally "eat less" and "exercise more." Please.

I figured I could do at least as well as that with my own tips. Here ya' go...

Captain Obvious' Tips for Losing Those Holiday Pounds*
by Kathy

1. Put down the cake and have a carrot instead. One serving of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting packs a gut-busting wallop of 400 calories. A baby carrot is only 5 calories.

2. Drink more water. A LOT more. Did you know that if you drink 16 oz. of water before a meal, you reduce your calorie intake by 15 percent? Drink 107 oz. and you can forget about dinner altogether.

3. Park far away from the door. If you can find a handy spot about 3 miles from your house, just think how many steps you'll add to the old pedometer each day! And when you're out, avoid a pesky $300 ticket for parking up front in a disabled space (I didn't SEE THE SIGN. It was fifteen years ago. Can't we just forget about it already?), and park way out in the back row, alongside that annoying jerk who always parks his Jag catty-wompus across three spots. Park reeeeeeeally close to his driver side door.

4. Ride your bike to work. Not the Ducati. The Schwinn. Don't mind those people flipping you off for taking up a whole lane at ten miles per hour. We'll get over it.

5. Don't leave the gym and go straight to your favorite Mexican restaurant. Pack an apple in your bag, for a light and delicious post-workout snack!

*The information included in this article is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Reading of any entries in this blog is done at the reader's own risk, and typically by people who have been drinking heavily. Always consult your healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for your own, if any, situation. Blackout dates may apply. Offer not valid in Alaska or any other state ending in A, and is not transferable.